From the Heart

Back before I spent all my days working in our little Kumquat Garden, and even back before I spent my days helping families - especially their little ones - as a counselor, I was a Religious Studies major and Psychology minor at Washington University in St. Louis. "Religious Studies" didn't necessarily mean theology or training for ministry (although many people from the program have gone on to that work). Here's part of the description from the program's page:

In-depth study of religion is concerned with the most fundamental values and the deepest value conflicts of human individuals and communities. In this program, you will explore central questions about the human condition in a critical, but empathetic manner. In addition, since the academic study of religion is intrinsically multicultural and international in nature, majoring in religious studies will inevitably broaden your cultural horizons and increase your knowledge and experience of global human diversity.

Yep. That's about it. And that also sums up a key part of my college experience. Interfaith activities absorbed a huge chunk of my life during my first few years of college and I am so, so thankful for those experiences. I am so thankful for the amazing opportunity I had to spend time in the classroom immersed in the world's great religions and to learn about the beauty and wisdom of each. I am thankful that I was able to return to the residence halls and live those lessons in modern life, as I made friends and had deep conversations with fellow students of different faiths. I will always cherish a memory of sitting in the room of a Muslim friend, who asked me to explain to her the Christian telling of the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ. She shared the differences in the Muslim teaching as I shared the Christian one. So much was common and it was fascinating to hear her telling. That is what interfaith study is all about. And I think it makes God happy.

I like to fancy myself a deep thinker and I've had lots and lots of deep thoughts about the debate over the mosque in New York and the potential burning of Korans in Florida. I've been both heartened and disgusted by things I have seen folks post on Facebook. I have wanted to share these thoughts, but I often find that my rigorous academic training from WU has made me hesitant about putting information out there that I don't first thoroughly research, consider valid criticisms, and document references. And believe me, I would LOVE to do that. But, I also have a crazy, precious little toddler running around who wants Mama's full attention at every minute and a foggy mommy-brain that makes me wonder if I will ever think clearly and complete a single thought again. I also am the kind of person who avoids conflict at all costs, kinda hates a debate, and just really does not like to stir the pot. I do think pots need to be stirred and conflict leads to growth, but... ick.

BUT, writing about this stuff is something I am really feeling called to do right now. I would hate for K to look back someday, know I had this rich education and invaluable experience, and wonder where my voice was during all of this. If the people who are educated, respectful, and long for peace don't speak, it leaves space wide open for those filled with hate, fear, and bigotry. I want K to grow up feeling confident that her voice is valuable and convicted that she should enter the fray, be a constructive part of the conversation, stand up for those who are wrongfully accused, and share the values she holds. And I think the only way I can teach her to do this is to suck it up and do it myself.

So, let me put my academic-angst-ridden, mommy-fogged-over brain on the back burner for a moment and speak from the heart. I want to share what I believe. (And I am going to do my best just to share and avoid researching and linking up references to support my beliefs. Lay off, brain!)

I believe that there are multiple paths to God. A very wise woman once said to me that she believes God is like a destination and religion is the sign pointing towards the destination. It is not the destination itself. I agree. Let's be real - we are a beautifully messy, human world filled with all sorts of cultures, traditions and languages. Religion grows out of this as humans struggle to understand the Divine, which we can never fully do because we are human. This means that there are going to be flaws and limitations from the get-go. I do believe that there is a two-way exchange between humans and God, but I think many of the trappings of religions are inherently human. And if we are diverse people, why should we expect that one religion would be appropriate for all? I often think of different religions in the world as worshipping God in different languages. Don't get me wrong... I do adhere to a specific religion, I believe some things to be true. But I think there can be a balance between relativism and "if you're not with us, you're against us" thinking.

I respect Islam. I respect Muslims. I believe that the vast majority of Muslims do not approve of terrorism, suicide bombers, or violence. I am sure many, many Muslims hate the fact that their beautiful, PEACEFUL religion (it really is - study it) is distorted and misrepresented by fanatics, just as I hate to be associated with Terry Jones' version of "Christianity."

Let me share a few quotes from some wise ones - a couple from my own religious tradition...

"If you want peace, work for justice." - Pope Paul VI

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." - Mother Teresa

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Ghandi

I know that today is a reminder of a deep and searing pain so many still feel. I am thinking of all the many, many families who continue to miss a loved one so dearly. I am thinking of all the people whose lives were shattered by the events of 9/11/2001. I am thinking of all the military families who have lost loved ones since that day and all of the service members whose lives continue to be challenged with physical, mental and emotional injuries sustained in the years following 9/11. I am thinking of my two little brothers who are in the Army - one currently in Afghanistan, one about to deploy to Iraq - their precious wives and children and the sacrifices families continue to make. I am lifting up my brothers in prayer, asking God to protect their bodies, minds, and hearts during this year of deployments. I am also praying for those whose pain and anger over 9/11 remains so intense.

As a counselor, I have some thoughts about the grief process. I believe that we grieve many things in life, not just the loss of a loved one. We grieve for lost opportunities, lost perceptions of how life is and should be, lost innocence, lost blindness to the violence of religious strife, lost sense of safety, and lost sense of invincibility. Part of grieving is fully experiencing the pain one feels over a loss. Most people also experience intense anger and a desire to blame someone for causing their pain.

I believe that much of the furor over the proposed Islamic Center near Ground Zero is from the still-profound pain of 9/11 and shows how far we still have to go in the grieving process. I have seen people and families be torn apart by fiercely clenching their pain and anger, refusing to let it go. Some people need to feel anger to prevent them from feeling other emotions they may not be able to handle - like helplessness, fear and sadness - and others suffer in hate because they do not know how to let it go. This breaks a heart. Some people believe that they need to hold onto their pain as a way to honor the dead and that if they begin to feel peace and healing, it somehow diminishes the loss. I do not agree. I believe most of our loved ones want us to live lives that are filled with peace, joy, harmony and happiness. Not to sound cliche, but I do think that we can truly honor our dead by living rich, full lives.

I do think we should always remember 9/11 and honor those who were murdered on that day. We should honor those who continue to fight for the best ideals of our country and those who fight for peace and justice. I believe the best way to move through (not "get over" because that ignores the work of grief - we have to "move through" and deal with it if we are to be healed) the pain and hate of 9/11 is to engage with one another, develop true respect for the beliefs and differences people share, and to appreciate that most people truly do want to live in a peaceful world.

My understanding is that the "9/11 Mosque" is an effort to achieve those goals. I read someone's post that the "evil religion of Islam has a history of erecting monuments to celebrate victories" and that this is the true reason to build a mosque near Ground Zero. Really? At first, I, too, thought maybe it would just be better for the community to find another location for their center. But then I read about the developers' desire to help America learn about Islam, to support true Islamic teaching and discredit the radicals who distort Islam into violence, to try to bring about some good and lasting peace from the ashes of this tragedy. If we want to prevent something like 9/11 happening again, then shouldn't we support a house of prayer and center for dialogue? And why does it need to be in Lower Manhattan? Would it matter as much if it were anywhere else? No. Would it have the potential to be the change agent and catalyst for healing and greater understanding of Islam in America if it were anywhere else? Probably not. And isn't the freedom of religion a crucial pillar of America's identity? I think so. And I think that efforts to block the building of this mosque chip away at our identity and give the 9/11 terrorists a true victory.

A last, beautiful thought from Mother Teresa (based on Dr. Kent Keith's Paradoxical Commandments):

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.