Mother's Day

Oh, Facebook. How I love you and resent you. I love, love the connections you bring into my life. How else would I know that my high school friend’s neighbor’s sister’s child just started on solid foods? Truly, I do love getting little snapshots of the lives of people who have left an imprint on my life. It’s brought some amazing people back into my circle of regular contact and it’s let me know that other people are alive and in the world. Sometimes that’s really all I want to know about someone. I’m a Fan.

I also resent the fact that I often think of my life in FB statuses. As I’m experiencing something, I kinda want to simmer the experience down to a statement of not more than 2 sentences or so and throw it out there for the universe to see. But some things don’t fit neatly into a FB status, nor should they. That’s how I’m feeling about my Mother’s Day greeting today.

I’ve been meaning to throw something out there to wish a happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing mothers I know, but I keep running into obstacles. This time, they haven’t been the usual 2-year-old-“Mommy carry me!” variety. It is a wonderful thing to have a day to celebrate mothers, but my feelings are complicated. I’d like to simply wish a happy Mother’s Day to all and to all a good night, but other people are on my heart today, too.

SO, here’s my long-winded Mother’s Day greeting to you, Universe.

First of all, I want to wish all you mothers out there a fabulous Mother’s Day and acknowledge how awesome you are. It’s great to have a day to recognize all the things moms do to help the world go ‘round. That should be relished. Period. Mamas deserve every bit of pampering, praise and love they get today! I’m profoundly thankful to my mother for teaching me the power of love through all things. Raising five children is not a neat and tidy process and there was certainly nothing particularly idyllic about our childhoods except that there was never a second of true doubt in my mind about whether or not my parents really loved me. My mother demonstrated love through difficult times and circumstances, reinforced the importance of close ties in a family, and taught me that if you lead with your heart and always choose love, things will go well in the end. They may not go easy or neatly, but when you choose to love, you create ripples of caring that resonate farther than you could ever imagine. Thank you, Mom.

I also am so thankful for my mother-in-law for raising a son who is kind, generous, faithful, and thoughtful. Love you, Lola!

I have had several other “mothers” who have mentored me and taught me how to be a strong, loving woman. I continue to follow in your footsteps and refer to the examples you set before me.

And to my mommy friends/sisters – rock on, girls. Seriously, you are my rocks. You help me navigate the endless questions and doubts that go along with being a mother and (usually) convince me that, no, I am not going to lose my mind/sell my child to the circus/run away to join the circus and that there’s very little in this world that quality time with girlfriends (plus or minus a glass of wine) can’t help. I love you all!!

I also want to say how much I love being a mommy to my sweet daughter. I truly adore her and delight in her. Being her mother has taught me so much about love, growth, joy and on and on. I am such a better person for having this experience. And I love that I get to share this parenting life with my equally awesome hubby.

So, that’s all the “yay us!” thoughts I have today.

Every Mother’s Day and Father’s Day I remember overhearing a conversation between a couple of coworkers about a month or so after my dad passed away. Father’s Day was approaching and they were discussing how they were going to celebrate the day with their fathers. I, on the other hand, felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and I couldn’t breathe as I mentally screamed something along the lines of “How could you be so insensitive to talk about this delicate issue within hearing distance of me??!! Don’t you know what it’s doing to me? That my world is crumbling, my heart is broken and that I’m only putting up a façade of having things together because if I really fell to pieces like I want to, I may never get them back together again?! Hello, salt in the wound!” More or less. Obviously, I don’t still feel quite so outraged that anyone might dare breathe the word “Father” around me, but I do still have such a soft spot in my heart for those who aren’t able to experience Mother’s Day (or Father’s Day) without some sadness.

To you who are missing your mothers today, knowing that even though they are not here, we always carry our mothers with us (for better or worse!), I wish you peace. I pray you will be able to think of your mother warmly, treasure her love, truly know that you still carry her in your heart, and rest in that comfort.

As a friend posted earlier this week, I’m also thinking of the mothers whose arms are empty as they wait for their babies. I’ve known so many people who have struggled with infertility and I imagine today is a very difficult day. When there’s nothing you want more in the whole world than to be a mother… I just hope that you know how much the love you put into the world right now matters. In no way do I mean to take away from current mothers, but I do want to send some love and prayers out to the mothers-in-waiting.

And, finally, for my friends who are mothers to angels… My heart bleeds for you and with you and I pray we all find peace. This Mother’s Day has been a personally complicated emotional roller coaster. We’ve been hoping and waiting for Baby #2 for a long time now and were thrilled earlier this year to find out we were pregnant. And then we weren’t. We lost our little Alex about 2 months ago. The number of friends who have shared that they also have suffered miscarriages or infant loss has overwhelmed me. I can’t help but thinking that on this Mother’s Day, I was supposed to be pregnant. It was supposed to be extra joyous as we looked forward to the fall when our new child would bless our family. And I think it’s funny and presumptuous that I could ever say how things were “supposed” to be. Clearly, I did not understand the plan and I am not in charge. So, I am searching to understand the ways Alex is blessing our family now. I have been so supported, loved, and inspired by such amazing friends and family. As with motherhood, I feel that this experience of loss has opened up a new sisterhood for me and I’m touched by the nurturing and love I’ve experienced as a result. A friend posted this poem and it really touched me. I’m offering it up as a prayer for all you mamas to Glory Babies.

What Makes a Mother

Written by Jennifer Wasik ~ In Memory of Zachery Wasik

I thought of you and closed my eyes

And prayed to God today

I asked "What makes a Mother?"

And I know I heard Him say.

"A Mother has a baby"

This we know is true

"But God can you be a Mother,

When you baby's not with you?"

"You, you can," He replied

With Confidence in His voice

"I give many women babies,

When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,

And others for the day.

And some I send to feel your womb,

But there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God

I want my baby to be here."

He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,

And then I saw the tear.

"I wish I could show you,

What your child is doing today.

If you could see your child's smile,

With all the other children and say...

'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,

Of love and life and fear.

My Mommy loved me oh so much,

I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom,

Who had so much love for me.

I learned my lessons very quickly,

My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,

But I visit her every day.

When she goes to sleep,

On her pillow's where I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,

And whisper in her ear.

Mommy don't be sad today,

I'm your baby and I'm here.'

"So you see my dear sweet ones,

your children are okay.

Your babies are born here in My home,

And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me,

Until your lesson's through.

And on the day that you come home

they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,

It's the feeling in your heart

it's the love you had so much of

Right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother

until their time is done,

they'll be up here with Me one day

and know that you are the best one!"